it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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