Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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