I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
