You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
