Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
