Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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