Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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