Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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