I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
