Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
