Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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