Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
