I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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