U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
