i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
