dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
