did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
