i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
