I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
