is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
