were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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