My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
