Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
