i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
