the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck appropriateness.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
