she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
