wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
