Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
