Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
