Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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