The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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