i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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