Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
