No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
