turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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