Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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