A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
