I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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