I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
