That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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