you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
