I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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