How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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