highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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