They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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