I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
