So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
