I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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