you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
