i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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