So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
