I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
