just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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