Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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