It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
