I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
