shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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