You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
