I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
