i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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