Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
