The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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