My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
