I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
